Hail To Your Chief

HOLLYWOOD (CC) - In a stunning turn of events, the US government has ok'd a request by NBC to produce a new Reality-TV show dubbed, "Hail to Your Chief," where contestants will vie for the right to assume the role of, none other than, the commander-in-chief! Beginning on January 20, 2013, a total of 365 average Joe's & Jane's will spend one day in the same chair as Rutherford B. Hayes (just to name one obscure President), bowl in the White House basement (ala Richard Nixon), and sleep in the Lincoln Bedroom up until inauguration day of the following year. Of course, they will also face the challenge of cooperating with Congress, the Supreme Court, and dealing with foreign affairs...just to name a few of those copious tasks.

The idea was pitched towards the GE-owned media company, surprisingly, by our current president, George W. Bush.

"Day in & day out for the last 8 years, I've had to deal with a shitload of good, honest, hard-working Americans telling me they could run the country better than yours truly. Therefore, I emulated the actions of my superior, Jebus Christmas, and turned sewage water into sparkling white wine. Lest you forget, I graduated with honors from Ivy League University."

Presidential turnover will commence at 9:00am, daily. Additionally, the families of each president will accompany the main wo(man) at the White House.

"People often underestimate the value of a first lady," remarked Barbara Bush [wife of 41st president George H.W. Bush]. "Every time my husband came back from Nicaragua, he gave off the impression of a puddle-of-mud facsimile. That was usually my call to whip up some chocolate chip cookies."

Competition to fill the required 365 slots is sure to be stiff, and most likely, violent. An NBC spokeswoman expounded upon the challenge of whittling down the number of contestants leading up to inauguration day. "We're anticipating somewhere between 15 to 20 million people wanting a chance to live at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. for a day. That is why filming will begin this fall, and continue all the way through spring of 2012. Whoever wins the presidency this November could be flying under the radar, possibly to his/her benefit.

"Fortunately, we're still abiding by the law and allowing entry to only those in the 35+-age demographic. Also, past presidential candidates are banned. We don't have the mental capacity to deal with the likes of Lyndon LaRouche, Steve Forbes, or Ralph Nader. But we're all excited here at NBC. For the first 4 years, we'll elect one "president" per episode, which is only half the fun. THEN, the winners step into the spotlight for 24 hours. Think about this scenario: a city bus driver negotiating a Middle East Peace Conference in Jordan. Or a city planner giving us The State of the Union Address."